Friday, July 15, 2005

Me

There is a small point inside of me that seems to be where all things come
It is so small that I wonder how so much can come out of it
All of me and everything I know is contained within this little spot

Like Merlin's bag, you can put anything inside no matter how big
It contains the universe and there is still room for more
It is where I draw my strength and where I put my tears

How can it do all this and still remain so small, almost unperceivable
How does it hold all my dreams and fears and not get bigger
How does it do its little magic act and how did it get there to begin with

Passage

Like a sharp, short point of light, it hit me
So precise and clean, right through the heart
The pain was like wine, intoxicating and mind bending
I never felt so confident, content and secure
The power running through me is immeasurable
Intense, incredible and beyond anything I've known
Uncompromising and indelible, it demands my attention
I know where i'm going and how to get there
Who I am, who I've been and who I will be
I have lived a long, full life, now it will be complete

Quote

Compassion is...
A spirituality and a way of living and walking through life.
It is the way we treat all there is in life-
Ourselves, our bodies, our imaginations and dreams,
Our neighbors, our enemies...
Compassion is a spirituality as if creation mattered.
It is treating all creation as holy and as divine...
Which is what it is.

-Matthew Fox

Missing him

Yesterday was my dad's birthday
He died a month before turning 60
It made me realize how short life is
How cruel and unfair it can be
There are no guarantees
July 14th has become a day of reflection
I tried not to be sad or negative
I made some decisions about my life
Time is too precious to waste
I have to start using it wisely
Wish I had more time with him
He was a big hearted kind man
I was so lucky to have him

Goodbye Love

It is sad that you have to let friends go
But after a while you realize that it isn't healthy
To continue in a relationship that is detrimental
I try to be a good person and treat people right
When giving and helping becomes one-sided
You eventually reach a point where you feel used
I have reached this point recently
There are people in my life I have to cut
I don't like it, but they leave me no choice
Oh well, it's not like I didn't try
I wish only happiness and joy, good luck

Longing

My heart still beats, I can't will it to stop
Death doesn't come just because you want it to
Yet I feel such amazing pain, so much dispair
I want to visit death, I need to be done
I no longer trust and I no longer dream
Life no longer attracts or intrests me
I am ready for the final breath, the last thought
I want it all to end and I don't want to wake
I am tired and I need to sleep

ARGH!!!

I'm upset, pissed and confused
I can't even relate the emotions that are running through me
I'm helpless and I have begun to hate
I didn't even get to spend any time
I feel rejected and ignored
These are my feelings
I can't help it, I want and need more
There is nothing I can do or say
No way to change what is happening
It is just the way it is and what I have to deal with
Why do I try and think it's important
It only seems to be important to me

So tired

I have grown tired of one sided relationships
People that are in touch only when they want something
If they want your help or if you have something they want
They are in touch with you, if not you don't hear from them
It doesn't bother me to help someone in need
I have been very blessed in my life and have more then I need
What bothers me is when I need help these people are not around
They are too busy or have excuses for the chunk of time I require
I am not going to waste my time anymore with these people
I am going to hang on to my old friends that have been there
And stop associating with the people that are like this

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Fighting the good fight

Sometimes I just get tired and fed up with my ideals
I feel like it is all for not and I am not making a difference
I try to be good, positive, helpful and well... righteous
For lack of a better word and on a regular basis I am discouraged
People really don't see me; they judge me and label me
They gauge me by what they have known, they categorize me
I never have a chance to be known by my own merit
I don't think anyone has ever known the real me
I sometimes think I am a Karma wash for others
It isn't something I like or dislike, but it is frustrating
On a regular basis I hit a point were I don't feel I have anything left
I feel like I can't keep going and that I am not doing any good
But somehow I always recharge and continue down this lonely path
No matter how many times it gets stepped on I put my best foot forward
My hold on to my high ideals and my belief in the good side of human kind
Don't ever think that I will give up, I want to, but I can't
All the world's a stage and my role is such, I yam what I yam
The show must go on so break a leg and take a bow
I will never miss a curtain call and someday I will hear applause
The only part that bothers me is that it seems to be a solo journey
But even if I die alone I will know that I had a positive effect
I know that the world is a better place and that is my reward

Friday, July 01, 2005

Called Away

Moving on with my life
Letting go of feelings
Hopes and dreams and her
How can I continue to carry the torch?
When she won't be here to feed the flame
I have to move on, let go
For my own health and well being
So I am free to accept someone else
My head has resolved this
But my heart is still unconvinced
She has never given me anything concrete
A maybe, a could be and a list
I can't hang my hopes on the top of a list
I love you doesn't say I'm in love with you
Although my first impression, my instincts
And my feelings have never changed
YOUR SOULMATE they scream, I still listen
But only time will tell if they are right
I try to hold on to this love at first sight
I would love to believe that we will be together
Build a life, have children and travel the world
Circumstances have conspired against us though
If she had said I am in love with you
I could hold on to this dream, run with it
But this has not occurred and it won't
So for my own sanity, my own peace
I have to let go and trust in life
She knows I love her, that I am in love
That is the best I can do for now